Ugliness of Bullying and Abuse

I feel like I am in personal Hell. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. It’s too much. It shouldn’t be like this. So hurt right now.

Bullying is the biggest issue our society is facing right now. Bullying is done through the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. Physical harassment or Mental torture. It is done towards particular targets namely – differences of lifestyle, social class, race, religion, gender, appearance, behavior, personality, reputation. A person acting or behaving differently than the others. The way the person dress his/her sexuality, the person who are weaker than the others in terms of physical and mental strength. For example- if a child named Wilson is smaller in height and fat the others will make fun of him and call him ‘Fat Willy’ without considering how that child feels. It is not limited to children only It also extends to Relationships also.

Types of Abuse-

Psychological Abuse: –

Emotional abuse is crippling. It robs person of their self esteem, the ability to think rationally, confidence in themselves and their independence and Autonomy Abusers want to remain in control by keeping you confused, anxious, scared and apologetic. its his/her way of maintaining control of twisted situation. They thrive when attempting to make people crazy.

It Involves Mental Abuse, Emotional Torture, Mental Harassment, Emotional abuse. It is a form of abuse that results in psychological trauma, anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. verbal and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. It is done by Yelling, Calling names, spreading rumors, threatening somebody, and making fun of others are all forms of verbal bullying. Effects of this abuse on people are severe –

  • In Relationships – Relationship dissatisfaction can be caused by psychological abuse or aggression. Victims of psychological abuse within relationships often experience changes to their Mental Health, psyche and actions. Long-term emotional abuse has long term effects on a person’s sense of self and integrity and mental state. Particular forms of emotional abuse are present in the relationship: threats, restriction of the abused party and damage to the victim’s property, Constant yelling at the person etc. It can lead to chronic depression, Separation, Hating the others, and sometimes uncontrollable rage that further lead to acts of crime.
  • In Family – Children whose families are characterized by interpersonal violence, including psychological aggression and verbal aggression, may exhibit a range of serious disorders, including chronic depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociation and anger. The impact of emotional abuse is not so different from that of physical abuse. Men or women emotionally abused by a Husband/wife/partner or parent often exhibit high rates of post-traumatic stress disorder, drug addiction and alcoholism. In families where child maltreatment had occurred, children were more likely to experience heightened emotional distress and subsequently becomes Drug Junkie, and involves themselves in Mischievous activities, and also turns to early age of crime.

It is possible that maltreated youth feel disconnected from families that did not protect them and subsequently seek sexual relationships to gain support, seek companionship, or enhance their standing with peers.” It is apparent that psychological abuse sustained during childhood is a predictor of the onset of sexual conduct occurring earlier in life, as opposed to later.

  • Signs of Emotional Abuse

The possibility of emotional maltreatment when the child:

Shows Anti- Social Behavior (Sociopath) Shows extremes in behavior, such as overly compliant or demanding behavior, extreme passivity, or aggression. Is either inappropriately adult (For ex- parenting other children). Is Delayed in physical or emotional development. Has attempted suicide. Reports a lack of attachment to the parent.

The possibility of emotional maltreatment when the parent or other adult caregiver:

Constantly blames, belittles, or berates the child. Is unconcerned about the child and refuses to consider offers of help for the child’s problem. Overtly rejects the child.

  • Signs of Neglect

The possibility of neglect when the child :

Is frequently absent from school. Begs or steals food or money. Lacks needed medical or dental care. Is consistently dirty and has severe body odor. Lacks sufficient clothing for the weather. Abuses alcohol or other drugs. States that there is no one at home to provide.

The possibility of neglect when the parent or other adult caregiver :

To Busy at workplace. Appears to be indifferent to the child. Seems apathetic or depressed. Behaves irrationally or in a bizarre manner. Is alcoholic and not paying much attention to the child.

CAUSES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE –

  • Rejecting – Parents or caregivers who display rejecting behavior toward a child will often [purposefully or unconsciously] let a child know, in a variety of ways, that he or she is unwanted. Putting down a child’s worth or belittling their needs are some ways this type of emotional abuse may manifest. Other examples can include telling a child to leave, or worse, to get out of your face, calling him names or telling the child that he is worthless, making a child the family scapegoat or blaming him for family/sibling problems. Refusing to talk to or hold a young child as he grows can also be considered abusive behavior.

Components:

Not Understanding the child and not being supportive.

Harsh criticism, belittling, labeling.

Name-calling, yelling, screaming or swearing at children

Humiliation or demeaning jokes

Teasing about child’s mental capabilities or physical appearance

Refusing love, attention and touch

Physical or emotional abandonment and shunning the child from the family altogether.

Kicking teens out of the home and locking kids out of the home to discipline or punish.

  • Ignoring – Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide positive nurturing. They may show no interest in the child, or withhold affection or even fail to recognize the child’s presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable. Failing to respond to or consistently interact with your child constitutes emotional and psychological abuse.

Components:

Inconsistent or no response to a child’s invitations to connect

Failure to attend to an Infants physical, social or emotional needs

Refusing to acknowledge a child’s interests, activities, schooling, peers, etc.

Abandonment or refusing to acknowledge child as your own

Denying medical or health care, and safe, clean environments

Inability or failure to engage a child emotionally or protect a child from harm

  • Terrorizing – Parents who use threats, yelling and cursing are doing serious psychological damage to their children. Singling out one child to criticize and punish or ridiculing her for displaying normal emotions is abusive. Threatening a child with harsh words, physical harm, abandonment or in extreme cases death is unacceptable. Even in jest, causing a child to be terrified by the use of threats and/or intimidating behavior is some of the worst emotional abuse. This includes witnessing, hearing or knowing that violence is taking place in the home.

Components :

Excessive teasing, screaming, cursing, raging at a child

Threatening or intimidating behaviors – scaring a child or others in front of a child

Unpredictable, unreasonable or extreme reactions

Verbal threats to harm the child, self or others

Hostility among family members

Inconsistent or unreasonable demands placed on a child

Ridiculing or humiliating a child in front of others

Threatening to reveal personal or embarrassing information.

  • Isolating – A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, unexposed to stimulation or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Requiring a child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, restricting eating, or forcing a child to isolation or seclusion by keeping her away from family and friends can be destructive and considered emotional abuse depending on the circumstances and severity.

Components :

Locking him inside the room or Basement.

Leaving a child alone or unattended for long periods of time

Not permitting a child to interact with other children or maintain friendships

Keeping a child from appropriate social and emotional stimulation

Requiring a child stay indoors/in their room or away from peers

Keeping a child from playing with friends and activities s/he enjoys

Not permitting a child to participate in social activities, parties or group/family events

Excessive or extreme punishment for typical childhood behaviors

Encouraging a child to reject friends or social contact/invitations

  • Corrupting Parents who corrupt may permit children to use drugs or alcohol, watch cruel behavior toward animals, watch or look at inappropriate sexual content or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc. Encouraging an underage child to do things that are illegal or harmful is abusive and should be reported.

Components :

Encouraging or rewarding unethical or illegal behavior (drugs, stealing, cheating, lying, bullying)

Promoting or rewarding promiscuity

Giving a child or using in the presence of a child: drugs, alcohol and other illegal substances

Allowing or encouraging children to engage in behavior that is harmful to the self or others.

  • Exploiting – Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child’s need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family’s dinner is inappropriate. Giving child responsibilities that are greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive.

Components :

Forced Child Labour.

Having expectations beyond the developmental stage of the child

Forcing a child to participate in unwanted activities without just cause

Requiring a child to care for a parent or siblings without regard for the child’s age or ability

Using blame, shame, judgment or guilt to condemn child for behavior of others (parents/peers/siblings)

Unreasonable expectations to perform chores or household duties

Exposing a child to sexually abusive or inappropriate content.

 

Physical Abuse –

My Husband is an alcoholic He lost his job, since then he becomes very violent and everyday he beats me up and smashing beer bottle in my face and breaking my nose.

Physical abuse can be defined as the abuse that is caused by another person and is done through physical and brute force using bodily contact. It involves beating, punching, kicking, anything cause the harm to the body. This is the bullying that hurts someone’s body or damages their possessions. Stealing, shoving, hitting, fighting, and destroying property all are types of physical bullying. Physical bullying is rarely the first form of bullying that a target will experience. Often bullying will begin in a different form and progress to physical violence . Physical assault involves bruises, injuries, scars, fractures etc. Sexual Abuse is a part of the physical abuse. Physical violence also involves Domestic violence. Physical abuse may involve more than one abuser, and more than one victim. Physical violence is also conducted in the name of Punishment or teaching someone a lesson. Abusive acts toward children can often result from parents’ attempts at child discipline through excessive corporal punishment.

Children and People in Intimate relationship are often the victims of physical Violence.

Children are most often bullied at school by other children by shoving them in the locker, shoving them in the trash can, stripping them naked, group assault on them, shoving their face in the Toilet bowl etc. It Mostly done by Senior Children, by children who are physically superior, by a Group of people, by throwing stuff at them. It is done because-

  • A typical victim is likely to be aggressive, lack social skills, think negative thoughts, experience difficulties in solving social problems, come from a negative family, school and community environments and be noticeably rejected and isolated by peers
  • to feel they are better than the others
  • for fun and entertainment.
  • because the child is different from the others
  • because the way they look, appearance, dressing style.
  • sometimes for being Nerd and Geek
  • race, gender, habits, sexuality, or physically weak.
  • being overweight or having some type of physical deformity

Causes of Physical Abuse –

  • Bullying behavior gets rewarded: Most people don’t do this intentionally; however, the perpetrator is inadvertently rewarded anytime victims give up their lunch money or belongings. They also get rewarded by gaining popularity, attention, or the power of having others afraid of them. These unintentional rewards reinforce bullying behavior and encourage the perpetrator to keep pushing others around
  • As a form of punishment or disciplinary action – Some adults see pain directed to people as an effective compliance method, and are quick to inflict pain to kids to get them to comply. For Example – if a child gets low marks in the exam then the parent punishes them by constantly hitting their hand with a stick or sometimes burning their hang with a rod for not doing something properly.
  • Lack of parenting support and skills – Many parents and caregivers do not fully appreciate that kids are in their learning years and are bound to make mistakes. They are quick to lash out abuse to kids instead of applying other non-abusive corrective methods.
  • History of child abuse – Some abusive behaviors are a result of what they experienced as kids themselves. This makes them think that it is the right and only way of doing things.
  • Mental illness – Some people may be mentally unwell even though they look like any other person and may be involved with abusive behavior towards kids without realizing what they are doing. In many countries (example USA) people have been extremely violent and even killed innocent people because they were mentally unstable when they acted that way.
  • Bullies don’t care how others feel: Some children either lack empathy or just relish seeing others in pain. When they hurt someone, they have no sense of what the victims or the people around them are feeling. Sometimes a perpetrator may even get pleasure from seeing a child yelp as he kicks him down the hallway. The reactions of the victims give the bully a sense of accomplishment, so he continues the behavior.
  • Domestic violence – Sometimes violence between adults at home can spill over to the kids. An angry dad may direct his anger to kids for no reason.
  • Substance abuse – Alcohol and other substances can make people loose self-control and may be involved with abusive behavior that they would usually not do.

SYMPTOMS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE –

Children who are bullied often show physical or emotional signs, such as:

  • Self-destructive tendencies
  • Fear of physical contact – shrinking back if touched
  • Chronic running away
  • Scared all the time
  • Unexplained recurrent injuries or burns
  • Improbable excuses or refusal to explain injuries
  • Wearing clothes to cover injuries, even in hot weather
  • Refusal to undress for gym
  • Bald patches
  • Fear of medical help or examination.

EFFECTS OF PHYSICAL BULLYING –

  • being afraid to attend school, complaining of headaches or a loss of appetite, a lack of interest in school activities and spending time with friends or family, and having an overall sense of sadness.
  • child or adult, who are subjected to abusive behavior are at risk of stress related illness which can sometimes lead to suicide.
  • Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety, lead to low self-esteem and increased susceptibility to illness.
  • Even though there is evidence that bullying increases the risk of suicide, bullying alone does not cause suicide. Depression is one of the main reasons why kids who are bullied commit suicide.
  • When someone is unsupported by his or her family or friends, it can make the situation much worse for the victim
  • Bullying can bread Sociopaths and Serial Killers who are frequently bullied through direct and indirect methods as children or adolescents.

Ted Bundy , a serial killer and diagnosed psychopath and a sadistic sociopath said that the ridicule and rejection he suffered as a child caused him to hate everyone and wants to kill everyone.

Cyber Bullying –

CYBER BULLIES CAN HIDE BEHIND A MASK OF ANONYMOUS ONLINE AND DO NOT NEED DIRECT PHYSICAL ACCESS TO THEIR VICTIMS TO DO UNIMAGINABLE HARM.

Cyber bullying is bullying that is carried out through the internet or mobile phones. Cyber bullying is when a student use the internet, cell phones, or other technological devices to hurt, embarrass, threaten, torment, humiliate, or intimidate their victim. This form of bullying can easily go undetected because of lack of parental/authoritative supervision. Because bullies can pose as someone else, it is the most anonymous form of bullying.

Types of Cyber Bullying –

  • being sent threatening emails, Repeated hang ups, anonymous, mocking.
  • being teased or made fun of online
  • having rumors spread about you online
  • having unpleasant comments, pictures or videos about you sent or posted on websites (e.g. MySpace, Facebook)
  • Creating hate sites or implementing social exclusion campaigns on social networking sites
  • being sent unwanted messages
  • having someone use your screen name or password and pretending to be you to hurt someone else

For example – A person made made a fake Facebook page about the girl and in that page he wrote ‘give all kinds of pleasure’ and gives that girls contact number. Now people keep calling that girl asks what is her price they keep harassing that girl because that made a fake Facebook account by her name and wants to damage her reputation.

EFFECTS OF CYBER BULLYING –

  • Can ruin the reputation of that Person.
  • Cyber bullying affects people from any age or walk of life, including children, teens and adults who all feel very distressed and alone when being bullied online.
  • Cyber bullying can make you feel totally overwhelmed which can result in many feeling embarrassed that they are going through such a devastating time, and not knowing what support is available to them. Many children feel unable to confide in an adult because they feel ashamed and wonder whether they will be judged, told to ignore it or close their account which they might not want to do.
  •  victims have lower self-esteem, increased suicidal tendencies, and a variety of emotional responses, retaliating, being scared, frustrated, angry, and depressed. It is reported that Cyber bullying can be more harmful than traditional bullying because there is no escaping it.
  • One of the most damaging effects is that a victim begins to avoid friends and activities, often the very intention of the cyberbully.
  • there have been several high‐profile cases involving teenagers taking their own lives in part because of being harassed and mistreated over the Internet, a phenomenon termed cyberbullicide – suicide indirectly or directly influenced by experiences with online aggression.
  • cyber bullying adversely affects youth to a higher degree than adolescents and adults. Youth are more likely to suffer since they are still growing mentally and physically.
  • younger children in addition to teenagers will feel more lonely and depressed along with having a significant change in their eating and sleeping patterns as well as loss of interest in their normal activities. These changes will affect their growth and development into adulthood.

Cyber Bullying is done through :

  • Social media – Cyber bullying can take place on social media sites such as Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter. Millions of people are harassed online. It is done through Making fake Facebook pages by other peoples name, using someone else account to harass the others, spreading rumors about the others etc.
  • Gaming – children who enjoyed violent video games were significantly more likely to both experience and perpetrate cyber bullying. Sexual harassment in gaming is common it generally involves slurs directed towards women, sex role stereotyping, and overaggressive language. In a number of instances, game developers have been subjected to harassment and death threats by players upset by changes to a game or by a developer’s online policies.
  • Text Messages on Mobile phones – anonymous text messages are to harass the victims like ‘How are you sweetheart’ etc. are sent play games with the victims.

Sexual Abuse –

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

  • Sexual abuse occurs throughout the globe. Sexual harassment is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favors. forcing someone for sexual intercourse. It includes sexual harassment, unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. It can happen either at school or workplace, factories, academia, etc.
  • The perpetrator can be anyone, such as a client, a co-worker, a parent or legal guardian, relative, a teacher or professor, a student, a friend, or a stranger.
  • The victim does not have to be the person directly harassed but can be a witness of such behavior who finds the behavior offensive and is affected by it.
  • Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.
  • Business, Trade, Banking, and Finance are the biggest industries where sexual harassment occurs

IMPACT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT –

  • Harassment may lead to temporary or prolonged stress or depression depending on the victims psychological abilities to cope and the type of harassment, and the social support or lack thereof for the victim.
  • Victims who do not submit to harassment may also experience various forms of retaliation, including isolation and bullying
  • As an overall social and economic effect every year sexual harassment deprives women from active social and economic participation, and costs hundreds of millions of dollars in lost educational and professional opportunities for mostly girls and women.
  • It can have a severe psychological and physical effects on victims
  • the victim becomes the “accused”, and his or her dress, lifestyle, and private life will often come under attack.
  • For example – a married women who drinks at a bar with her got gang raped by a group of people but media and public will blame that women according to them it is unusual for women to go at night drink with her friends so she must have done something to provoke the men or may be she is lying.
  • Having to drop courses, change academic plans, or leave school in fear of harassment repetition and/or as a result of stress
  • Effects on sexual life and relationships: can put extreme stress upon relationships with significant others, sometimes resulting in divorce

  • Some of the psychological and health effects that can occur in someone who has been sexually harassed as a result of stress and humiliation: depression, anxiety and/or panic attacks, sleeplessness and/or nightmares, shame and guilt, difficulty concentrating, headaches, fatigue or loss of motivation, stomach problems, eating disorders (weight loss or gain), alcoholism, feeling betrayed and/or violated, feeling angry or violent towards the perpetrator, feeling powerless or out of control, increased blood pressure, loss of confidence and self-esteem, withdrawal and isolation, overall loss of trust in people, traumatic stress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidal thoughts or attempts, suicide.

Hence Bullying should be stopped and prevented from ever happening it is the biggest issue society is facing so lets stand together and say no to bullying.

It can be prevented by :-

  • By launching various Anti-Bullying campaigns to generate awareness about why bullying is wrong
  • Assess the Extent of the Problem Survey students, staff and parents to find out how much and what type of bullying is going, as well as where and when, to target prevention efforts.
  • Increase Adult Supervision Most bullying happens when adults are not present, so make sure they are “visible and vigilant” in hallways, stairwells, cafeterias and locker rooms, as well as on buses and the way to and from school for students who walk.
  • Take a strict action against someone who is involved in bullying and abuse and punish them thoroughly to set an example.
  • Conduct Bullying Prevention Activities such as all-school assemblies, communications campaigns or creative arts contests highlighting school values to bring the community together and reinforce the message that bullying is wrong.
  • Talk with and Listen to the Children Everyday Ask questions about their school day, including experiences on the way to and from school, lunch, and recess. Ask about their peers. Children who feel comfortable talking to their parents about these matters before they are involved in bullying are more likely to get them involved after.
  • Create Healthy Anti-Bullying Habits Starting as young as possible, coach your children on both what not to do (push, tease, and be mean to others) as well as what to do (be kind, empathize, and take turns). Also coach your child on what to do if someone is mean to him or to another (get an adult, tell the bully to stop, walk away and ignore the bully).
  • Make Sure Your Child Understands Bullying Explicitly explain what it is and that it’s not normal or tolerable for them to bully, be bullied, or stand by and watch other kids be bullied.
  • Know Your School and District Policies on Bullying Do your part to implement them effectively.
  • Treat Students and Others with Warmth and Respect Let students know that you are available to listen and help them.
  • Discuss Bullying with Colleagues As a group, you will be better able to monitor the school environment. Discuss both bullying in general and concerns regarding specific students.
  • Take Immediate Action Failure to act provides tacit approval of the behavior and can cause it to spread.

The Bottom Line –

Bullying is an enormous problem, and we must all do our part to prevent it.

Little things can make a big difference. Simple and genuine gestures, such as regularly greeting students, talking to students, and addressing students by name, help to make students feel connected.

Treating your colleague, employees, or any other person with kindness and respect

 

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